Self Development

Improving Your Memory

Short-term memory problem arise usually as the mind tries to process and discard non-essential information as quickly as possible. Here are some tips to try:

• Make a special effort to recognise and concentrate on situations where your memory lets you down. Don't expect to recall what you don't take in properly in the first place.
  
  
• Make a point to committing things with your memory instead of relying on diaries, notes and lists. The more you practise remembering, the better you will get.
  For example, read through your shopping list but don't take it to the shops with you - exercise your memory.
  
  
• Look for patterns when you have several items to remember.
  For example, group a mental shopping list into meat, groceries and fresh produce, or note that you have three things to buy at the supermarket and three at the local store.
  
  
• Recite to yourself the words you want to remember, accenting any rhythm or rhyme.
  
  
• Say things out loud to yourself or tell them to others while they are still fresh in your mind. There is nothing like having to reproduce information to make it stick.
  
  
• Try visualising the objects or situatins you want to remember, or try to imagine a name or a word written down, to involve your visual as well as your aural memory.
  
  

From this...(low memory)

To this... (high memory)

Training Your Self-Assertion Effectively

• Try out simple assertions first. Try telling a waiter your plate is cold before asking for a pay raise at work or tackling your mother about treating you like a child.
  
  
• Make use of body language to convey the intended message. Ensure eye contact, stand straight and tall with your head up, and do not smile nervously or giggle when telling someone you are angry.
  
  
• Do not whisper or mumble - speak clearly.
  
  
• Select a good time and a private place.
  
  
• Do not worry so much about the words to use that you put off speaking up. It is better expressing yourself imperfectly than losing your chance.
  
  
• Listen to what the other person is saying. Do not lose focus of your intended message.

Building Self-Esteem

Consciously and unconsciously, we are sending private messages to ourselves about who we are and how likely we are to get what we want and need. If the messages are more negative than positive, they can lower anyone’s self-esteem. People of such are in fact programming themselves to fail by telling themselves that, ‘I don’t expect to win the race’ or ‘no one will want to talk to me at the party’. With these expectations, they behave likewise, and thus reinforcing their belief of failing.

To build your self-esteem, firstly, change your mentality. Avoid seeing things as black or white with no room for grey areas, as this makes it hard to regard yourself as anything buy either perfect or hopelessly inadequate. Be suspicious of the words always and never, which reflect the belief that you are fated to repeat the same mistakes over and over. Many of us have been trained from early on to discount successes and highlight failures. When we achieve something, we undermine it, but when we fail, we punish ourselves.

Next, revise your internal conversations. Listen to yourself and if you are feeling not confident, ask yourself what you are thinking. What was the last though you had about yourself? Get a notebook and write down these thoughts, along with your feelings about them and some information about the situation that triggered them. Identify words like all, nothing, always or never and edit them out. Think through what is really true about the situation. If you made a mistake at work, is that really what you always do, or are you usually very competent? Revise your message to yourself by writing it out in your notebook. Then practise sending yourself more realistic and positive signals by consciously altering your interior monologues.

Lastly, act on the positive new messages you are sending yourself. If a colleague is criticising you at work, find ways to amend the situation by talking to them or changing aspects of your own behaviour. Do not expect everything to improve overnight. Building confidence is a lifelong process. Set realistic goals and reward yourself for small changes along the way.



Temper/Anger Management


Thankfully, temper is not innate; it is a habit you have learned, and it can be unlearned. In a provoking situation, the body reacts by releasing various hormones that heighten the emotional state. As the hormones flood your system, your feelings are voluntarily intensified, but how you interpret and respond to these feelings is determined by you, depending on the circumstances of the moment and on the habits you have developed.

No matter how hot your temper is, you can learn how to respond positively to anger.

• Think before you act. Count to ten before saying or doing anything out of rage.
  
  
• Take a few deep breaths the next time you feel your temper starting to flare up.
  
  
• Try putting yourself in the place of the person who is making you angry. Maybe this is a bad day for him or he is in pain or has personal problems you are unaware of.
  
  
• Develop a sense of humour. Few things are so serious there isn't a funny side.
  
  
• Reduce your general level of tension through meditation, exercise, yoga or other anti-stress measures.

Breaking Bad Habits

"Old Habits Die Hard"

Several habits like nail-biting or head-scratching are harmless; but others, in which you eat or smoke compulsively, can cause health problems. Below are few simple methods to 'slowly kill' them.

• Learn how to relax. When you are tempted to a juicy, mouth-watering, fattening snack, sit down, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths (inhale, exhale,.....). Gradually, the urge will pass.
  
  
• Practise meditation, daydreaming, visualisation or some other form of mental relaxation.
  
  
• Reward yourself for small victories over your bad habit.
  
  
• Keep a sense of humour about the problem.
  
  
• List and analyse the reasons you want to stop smoking or drinking, for instance, and any reasons you don't. Get a clear view of what the habit means to you and start thinking and talking of yourself as an ex-smoker or drinker.
  
  
• Avoid situations associated with your habit. If you bite your nails when you watch TV, take walk or read a book instead, or try doing things to occupy your hands.
  
  
• If you cannot break your habit, at least limit the damage as far as possible. If you have to eat snacks, for example, make them healthy.